To be Nice? Or to be Kind?

 Dear Daughter:

Today we are going to discuss the difference of being "kind" and of being "nice".  I'll first start off with my personal definitions of the two. To be "kind" is to make the conscious effort to not intentionally harming another person. To be kind is to do things from the heart because that is what you feel called to do on a soul level. To be "nice" to someone is all about being performative. To be nice is to behave or act a certain way, in order to get a desired outcome. Most women are taught to be "nice" because they needed shelter/ food/ and companionship etc. So we were taught to smile at that strange man, or invite our enemies to family dinners, or go that extra mile to make someone else happy. In many ways this is a form of manipulation taught to young women for survival, but we will discuss that In another essay.

So today, I come to you with the notion of "nice for what?" Like I mentioned earlier, to be nice is to be performative. You are performing and acting out of your true character because you want the other party to like you and perceive you as a "nice girl". But why? When we really take a step back, we will realize that the only true duty we have to another person is kindness. But to be kind does not mean to disregard your boundaries, and do something that you simply do not want to do. Going against yourself and your boundaries will only effect everyone in the end, but most importantly, it will effect you the most. 

The trick is, honor yourself first. No matter what others may say, or perceive you as, honor what you feel the most. If you really do not feel like smiling or having small talk with the aunty you do not care for, honor yourself by simply not doing it. Be aware that taking back your power and only doing things that truly serve you will cause disruption and angry feelings from others always. Only because most people were not taught that you have to honor yourself first. Most people were taught to extend themselves for the sake of others. But as a whole and healed individual, we do not have to do a single thing we do not want to do. No matter what anyone says or thinks about us. That is the freedom that has come with adulthood for me. But, I am also extending this freedom to you and your childhood. 

Dear daughter, you deserve to do things that inspire your heart. You were not brought here to please a single soul, but yourself. You are so magical and divine, no one will every be able to take that away from you with their silly opinions. I will help you to release yourself from the shackles of society performances,  and to show you how to honor your heart. Step one: Only do things that make you feel fulfilled and valued. Because once you honor and respect yourself, you now have the capacity to honor and respect others. So, if you feel like smiling back at the strange man, you can do so honey. But only because you desire too. Not because others desire you too.

 I love you.